I've always been the so called 'weird kid'. Even from a very young age people would make a big fuzz over my looks. I remember being six years old and beaten up on a daily basis by classmates. I remember being seven and people would whisper "look at her eyes, she looks like an alien" behind my back. As I grew older and started applying makeup, the word 'alien' was quickly replaced by another word: doll. More often than not I was told that I didn't look natural, that I was wearing too much makeup and that I should "shut up cause dolls can't talk". Just silly things like that.
Rather than letting it define me, I turned it into a username on social media. I once heard that no one can make fun of you if you've already made fun of yourself first, and that was what I was going for. I created social media accounts named "Barbie", "Bimbo", "Crazy", "alien"... Basically every word they threw at me as an insult, I turned into a username. There were, of course, some words I couldn't use. Some words I didn't want to use because no matter how much you try, you can't turn it around and own it. Words like fat, ugly, retarded, worthless..
In 2013 being a 'doll' suddenly became a hype. Russian 'living dolls' were all over the news. One after another they came forward setting unrealistic examples for young females. At first there were only two of them: Valeriya Lukyanova and Anastasiya Shpagina. Then came Venus Palermo, Anzhelika Kenova and Valeriyas friend Dominika Kjosa. Suddenly the old Paris Hilton / Pamela Anderson kind of Barbie look was old news. Now everyone wanted to be like the russian dolls. The ones that didn't even look human.
It didn't take long before people started accusing me of copying Valeriya Lukyanova. I've had people seeing my pictures online and report my profile because they can't tell me and Valeriya apart and think I've stolen her pictures. I personally don't mind. I think Valeriya is absolutely gorgeous and we definitely have a lot in common. We are very much alike personality-wise, and share many of the same values.
At that time another blogger already owned the username 'livingdoll.blogg.no' so I couldn't have it. I had to wait for her to delete her blog. I never thought she would do it, but in late 2014 she did. Out of respect - and because I didn't want people to accuse me of trying to take 'her place' - I waited a few years before finally using it.